Surrogacy.

If I choose to have a baby and don’t want to adopt, my other option is surrogacy. This is where doctors would take my egg (since I still produce those) and implant the sperm from either my husband or a sperm donor if I choose to go at it alone. They would then take that little bundle of joy and implant it into a woman who will then carry my child to term in her uterus. Essentially it would be my bun but her oven. Now if you remember my entry about adoption and how crazy my mind was all over the place, this is no different. Actually, this may be worse.

I get a baby with my genes. My blood. It would be a part of me and (hopefully) my husband’s. Not only would that baby be a part of me, but I wouldn’t get the stretch marks, I wouldn’t get the kicks, I wouldn’t get the indigestion, and I wouldn’t get the morning sickness. You know when you were younger and your mom or dad told you not to do something and it just made you want to do it that much more? That’s how I feel. Knowing I won’t get to experience any of that stuff that I hear so many women complain about makes me want it that much more. I WANT to experience the kicks and hiccups. I WANT to get the morning sickness and indigestion. I know, call me crazy. But it’s like the girls that have straight hair want curly hair and the curly haired girls always want the straight hair. But it’s not only that stuff that I think about when I think about another woman carrying my child. Who would she be? Would she be someone I know? Who would possibly want to give up 9months of their life to carry my child? What if something happened to her while she was carrying my child or giving birth to my child? I know they go through all sorts of tests, physically and mentally, but I could never live with myself if something happened. I mean, crazy things happen all the time. What if I picked a woman from an agency and the pregnancy made her crazy and she runs off with my baby? I know that’s farfetched but I’ve seen Dateline. Then, once I get over all the crazy thoughts, my emotions start setting in and I start to feel inadequate as a woman because someone else is having to carry MY child. Yes, I know it’s not looked upon like that. But put yourself in my shoes. Imagine trying to bake a cake. You have all the ingredients but you’re missing the most important part of the process, the actual oven to bake it in. So, you have to borrow someone else’s oven and watch YOUR cake bake in an unfamiliar oven where anything can happen and you can’t control it because it’s not yours. Crushing. And now I really want cake. Back on topic, Teri! Like adoption, this can also be pretty expensive. However, I will say this, if I choose to have child, no amount of money will be a roadblock. I’m just saying that finances are something to think about because you have to pay for the actual process, checkups, medical bills, and medicine, anything about that baby and really anything about that woman carrying your child for the next 9months, is you. 

So, as you can tell, I want to be a mom. However, I’m realizing that just because I want to be a mom doesn’t mean I am ready to be one. I’m not going to be selfish and go through the long process of either options. Like I said before, it’s not just about me, it’s about that child. I still have a lot of research and learning to do. I wish I had it easy and I could just decide which road I want to take: adopt or surrogacy. But I have to figure out which one is right for me and it may take me a little bit longer but right now, I’m okay with that.