“Some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”
-Carrie Bradshaw
I went out last night with a few girlfriends and naturally we started talking about what friends talk about: men. Yes, guys, it’s true. After we talk about what’s new in our lives, how much we love/hate our jobs, usual gossip, we ALWAYS talk about you, the good, the bad, the sweet, the jerky comments you make to us. We talk about it all and chances are their feelings about you will be based on how we feel about you that day. Consider this your warning.
Anyway, we were talking about what’s new and exciting in my love life (which trust me, isn’t exciting). I mentioned to them how I have been messaging someone back and forth now for about a week but I had some concerns because it seems like when we have a plan or even a tentative plan to meet up, “something” comes up. He has said he wants to spend time together but doesn’t make a whole lot of effort to plan anything.
I’m not invested in him. I’m just getting to know him. I’m entitled to feel like that is a concern, right? Well, my friends said that I write guys off too quickly. I love my friends for being honest with me but someone else just told me a few weeks ago I am too picky. So, maybe they are onto something. I know these women and I know their hearts and I know they did not mean it in any negative way AT ALL.
But…
I may be picky and I may write guys off too quickly and I may have my guard up. However, when it comes to my heart I feel like I should be selective. I know what I have to offer and I believe I deserve to be happy just like everyone dreams about. I’m not naive. I know it’s not all roses, sunshine, pillow fights, breakfasts in bed, and walks along the beach under the moonlight (gag). But, I’m a believer in love and I believe that somewhere out there is a man for me and hopefully weird like me. The older I get, the more I realize the characteristics I want in a man. If I don’t see those things in the beginning stages, why waste my time or his? One thing I don’t want to do is change someone or form him into someone that he isn’t, just as I wouldn’t want him to change who I am. If I am getting those “gut feelings”, “red flags”, or just plain signs that he isn’t going to be the man I want, why should I stick around? I’m not young like I used to be. I don’t have all the time in the world to decide a year into a relationship that this man is not for me. I don’t want to put in effort to be with someone who isn’t putting in the same effort to be with me. Things happen that may cause plans to change and I get that because it has happened to me, however, when that happens more than once and you take no action to reschedule those plans and I’m the one that always suggests getting together, my flags go up and I start to pull away. I’m not going to continue to put myself out there for someone that isn’t doing the same. When you choose to show up on a date after doing certain things, after I tell you how much I am against it, I’m not okay with that. Yes, they are great guys and they could have been really fun, for a while. But like I said, I’m not trying to change who someone is and I shouldn’t have to. So if I know from the jump that someone is not going to be for me, why waste our time? I know at this stage of my life what I’m looking for in a man. I want my best friend. I want someone to keep me laughing. I want someone that knows the ins and outs of me without me having to say anything. I’d like to think I’m refusing to settle for anything less than the laughs, the smiles….
….the butterflies.
