Adoption and What If's

After I grew up and realized nothing I can do or how I was acting will change what I was born with, or without, it was time for me to learn a little bit more about my two options if I ever decided to have a child.

When I start to think about adoption I just get so overwhelmed. I can’t tell you how many times I looked on sites, signed up for newsletters, I even looked at pictures of potential children. When I was younger and I heard people adopted I had NO idea what even went into that process. As I grew older I looked at adopting a child as my way of helping him/her. Maybe they couldn’t have the life I would provide for them and God knew this. I am not much of a religious person (sorry mom), however, I do believe there is a reason God made me the way he did. Maybe it was for me to help children and become the next Angelina Jolie and just go on a wild adopting spree. But if that was the plan, it would have been nice if he provided me with the income to do so! I’m going to do my best and bring you inside my mind when I start to think about adoption. Buckle up, it might be a little all over the place.

Domestic adoption? International adoption? If I go international, I have to narrow it down to what country and that’s based on what country is even allowing adoption into the United States. Then I have to worry about money because normally you will have to go to that country once or twice before you bring that child home so that can cost a pretty penny. What gender would I prefer? What race? What age? That stuff does not matter to me. Actually, that was just a lie. Age matters. I want a baby. Which may make it even harder for me because I heard babies are harder. Then I start to feel guilty because I think of all the other children that are older and are still in foster care. What about them? If I went international, what if I was in the middle of the process and that country suddenly stopped adoption with the United States? Would I still get my baby or would I have to start all over again after I potentially may have already met and fallen in love with him or her? What if I put my name on “the list” and it takes seven years? What if I put my name on “the list” and the process takes 6 months. I live with my mother. She is an angel, but I don’t know how she feel about having ANOTHER baby running around the house. I’m enough to deal with. What if the child doesn’t adapt well to me? I can’t send them back. This isn’t a trial. If I adopt, that child is choosing me too. What if I decided to go with a domestic adoption? Would I go thru a private agency or the state? Ugh and don’t even get me started on narrowing down WHICH agency to use! You know how many agencies are out there? How will I find which one is perfect for me and fits my needs and my wallet? That sounds terrible but let’s face it, this is expensive and I’m single. Oh yea, let’s throw that in the mix, I’M SINGLE! What if I adopt now and I find someone and they don’t want kids? Well sorry mister, my child comes first. Do agencies even adopt to single parents? How in the world would I even afford to go thru the process AND care for the child? Can I even do that by myself? I know a lot of single parents and they are amazing, but could I be one of them?

Yes, I know that there is someone out there for me. Yes, I know that once I start the process, IF I choose to go the adoption route, it will all start to fall into place. Yes, I know that once I choose an agency to work with, they will help me figure out how to do everything and finances and what have you. After all, that is what they get paid to do. But, what if, after all these questions running through my head, what if adoption just isn’t right for me?