Honesty.

So I have a friend who has been “seeing” a guy. She is not ready to start anything because she recently got out of an unhealthy relationship. She was honest with the new guy from the beginning and his feelings developed a lot faster and stronger and eventually became too much for her. Again, she was honest and told him she wasn’t ready and needed to step back. He didn’t understand and confessed how much he cared about her, undoubtedly, pushing her further away. When she was telling me this, I couldn’t help but laugh and recall a very similar “situation” of my own. I was recently “getting to know” someone. Things were going great and we both agreed we didn’t want anything serious because we weren’t sure what we wanted but we both really enjoyed talking to each other. Long story short, it didn’t work, obviously because here I am writing about it. Anyway, unlike my friend’s situation, I was the one that didn’t understand when the guy was trying to be honest with me about where he was coming from. I remember being on the phone with him and I got very upset because he couldn’t understand what I was trying to say. When in hindsight, I was the one that couldn’t understand his honesty.

It took me having that conversation with my friend to realize that being honest with someone has become something it isn’t meant to be. Honesty is supposed to make the other person feel good and respected, not hurt and confused. But when it is something that you don’t want to hear…that is when it becomes the devil. It stings. It cracks the heart. It leaves you upset on the phone, or email, looking like a complete fool. He was nothing but honest with me, which I didn’t understand. Let me back up and clarify. I respected his decision and I absolutely respected him for being honest with me and I wasn’t trying to change his mind. I wanted an explanation. I needed one. HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed to feel hurt and confused. I was absolutely mad at him. But for what? For being honest with me? One of the top qualities I look for in a man is honesty, so how the hell can I get mad at someone for doing exactly that. Looking at it now, I was mad at the situation. I was hurt because I didn’t understand. I still don’t. But I will say, we were both honest with each other and so was my friend in her situation. So in the end, yes, the truth hurts. It may sting and it may crack the heart, but overtime, the hurt and sting will lessen and the cracks will heal and you will see that when that person decided to be honest with you, he or she respected you enough to tell you the truth. Now, you have to have respect for yourself, be grateful for the conversations you had and time spent together, and keep it moving.

And for you, I know you are reading this, thank you for being honest with me.