Growing up

When did becoming an adult start to suck? Excuse my language, mom. But it’s true. I remember when I was younger and all I wanted to do was grow up and be an adult, have a car, my own place, be able to make my own rules and live on my terms. I would roll my eyes when my parents laughed and said “You’ll see one day,” or give me the ever so popular “Money doesn’t grow on trees” speech. I would run to my room and belly flop onto my bed and break into tears and scream that I couldn’t wait for the day that I would be on my own; all because they wouldn’t give me money to meet my friends or a ride to the mall. Man, I was such a brat, a cute one, but a brat nonetheless. What I wouldn’t give to turn back the hands of time.

In 1999, Destiny’s Child came out with a hit song, “Bills, Bills, Bills”. I was 16 at the time and I didn’t have any bills nor the responsibilities. I had a job, but worked very little so my paycheck reflected that. At that time though, I didn’t have anything to pay for besides gas and my extra activities so I was okay. I was able to do what I wanted to do when I wasn’t working and I didn’t have the responsibilities to worry about. Yet, all I wanted was to grow up and be on my own and feel like I was an adult. Now I am one and it’s not all it was cracked up to be.

Yes, being an adult is empowering because you do get to make your own choices, you get to vote, you get to decide how you want to spend your free time, and your career choice is up to you. Being a grown up at our age for many people may even mean you have a family to take care of. When we were younger and in school, we were taught how to calculate formulas like: Solve for x; y2 + (75-8x-the circumference of the sun÷34^7) + the area of the continent of North America – 274. Which, let me tell you, I use daily. I couldn’t tell you the last time I needed to know any of the symbols on the periodic table of elements unless it was a question on Trivia Crack. The things I learned in school did prepare me for some things, but they didn’t prepare me for life. They didn’t prepare me for becoming an adult. They didn’t get me ready to be on my own in the real world where I would have to make my own choices and make hard decisions; the decisions that would eventually teach me who I was and want to be and who I didn’t want to be. Should I hang out with this crowd? Should I go to that party? Try this alcohol? Smoke that joint? Would that make me fit in or make me look like a follower? Life. Life taught me all that hard stuff that an algebraic equation or dissecting a reptile couldn’t teach me. School didn’t teach us how to get over heartaches and how to mend friendships or how to be a good parent. We learn that over time and through our different personal experiences. Growing up is a responsibility much like having bills to pay and having a family to care for. Being an adult sucks and it’s scary and we can’t stop it from happening but if we can look back on all those moments that helped mold us into who we are or who we are still becoming and be thankful and humble, that is when you know you are growing, and that is just beautiful.

Honesty.

So I have a friend who has been “seeing” a guy. She is not ready to start anything because she recently got out of an unhealthy relationship. She was honest with the new guy from the beginning and his feelings developed a lot faster and stronger and eventually became too much for her. Again, she was honest and told him she wasn’t ready and needed to step back. He didn’t understand and confessed how much he cared about her, undoubtedly, pushing her further away. When she was telling me this, I couldn’t help but laugh and recall a very similar “situation” of my own. I was recently “getting to know” someone. Things were going great and we both agreed we didn’t want anything serious because we weren’t sure what we wanted but we both really enjoyed talking to each other. Long story short, it didn’t work, obviously because here I am writing about it. Anyway, unlike my friend’s situation, I was the one that didn’t understand when the guy was trying to be honest with me about where he was coming from. I remember being on the phone with him and I got very upset because he couldn’t understand what I was trying to say. When in hindsight, I was the one that couldn’t understand his honesty.

It took me having that conversation with my friend to realize that being honest with someone has become something it isn’t meant to be. Honesty is supposed to make the other person feel good and respected, not hurt and confused. But when it is something that you don’t want to hear…that is when it becomes the devil. It stings. It cracks the heart. It leaves you upset on the phone, or email, looking like a complete fool. He was nothing but honest with me, which I didn’t understand. Let me back up and clarify. I respected his decision and I absolutely respected him for being honest with me and I wasn’t trying to change his mind. I wanted an explanation. I needed one. HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed to feel hurt and confused. I was absolutely mad at him. But for what? For being honest with me? One of the top qualities I look for in a man is honesty, so how the hell can I get mad at someone for doing exactly that. Looking at it now, I was mad at the situation. I was hurt because I didn’t understand. I still don’t. But I will say, we were both honest with each other and so was my friend in her situation. So in the end, yes, the truth hurts. It may sting and it may crack the heart, but overtime, the hurt and sting will lessen and the cracks will heal and you will see that when that person decided to be honest with you, he or she respected you enough to tell you the truth. Now, you have to have respect for yourself, be grateful for the conversations you had and time spent together, and keep it moving.

And for you, I know you are reading this, thank you for being honest with me.